The Lowdown On Living With Someone With Bipolar

Living with someone with bipolar can be a little daunting, with  wonderful highs and plenty of stressful lows.  This article by Georgie Ellington outlines some helpful techniques and suggestions for smoothing the way and enjoying a more calm and stable relationship.

Your Spouse Is Bipolar….Now What?

So you’ve just found out that your husband or wife has bipolar disorder..what now?

First of all, realize you are not alone. There are many support groups and more than enough information on mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder (or manic depression) to help you with the new challenges you are facing.

Below is a short summary of suggestions to help you on your way.

A LIST OF DON’TS

[Sorry, but these may be more important initially than the "do's", since many people react negatively when they first receive this diagnosis]

Tip!

“Winning A Bipolar Disability Claim” is a nuts and bolts toolkit for winning
bipolar disability claims for a lifetime of monthly disability cheques and free
medical care..

- Don’t judge them. Realize that this is a chemical imbalance, a matter that is out of their control. It would be as if your spouse had been diagnosed with any other biochemical disorder, such as diabetes. They need your support, not your opinion.

- Don’t get into a pity party for yourself. Your spouse is probably already feeling guilty and a burden to you. Try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if you were them. You probably wouldn’t appreciate having a guilt trip thrown in on top of an already stressful and worrying situation.

- Don’t order them or tell them what form of recovery to choose – discuss it with them, but let them make the decision. Becoming strident, giving orders or ultimatums only increases everyone’s stress level. Remember, they are not able to control their chemical imbalance.

- Try not to get into a power struggle over possible alcohol or drug usage. If you start to hide or take things away from them it will increase any feeling of alienation and may send them into deeper depression or desperation. Besides, they will probably just find a way of replacing them anyway. This doesn’t mean that the abuse of substances should be tolerated. There is a thin line between using and using to excess in order to avoid getting help. This is where you need a professional counselor. If your spouse won’t go with you, go yourself – you need to know how to handle these situations and professional mental health advisors will have the answers you need.

- Don’t be over protective. This will just cause problems down the road. Just be there to help and support but you cannot handle their illness for them – you will just burn out. Let them be responsible for their own recovery – taking their medications, going to doctor appointments, etc., but don’t remove problems beforehand. Let your spouse handle it themselves, of course with your help when needed.

- Don’t pretend to understand what they are feeling – no one knows except them. People with mood disorders are usually extra sensitive to other people’s attitudes and reactions and can pick up quickly on insincerity and negativity whether verbal or in body language. Just be totally honest, say you don’t know how they feel but reassure them you will stand by them to help and support whenever they need you.

LIST OF DO’S

- Do educate yourself. The more you learn about this disorder, the more help and understanding you can provide to your spouse. There is enough information on this subject, either in books or on the internet, that you can increase your knowledge in this area to both prepare you for the unexpected and inform you to be the support that your spouse will need. Just to begin, you may want to go to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website at www.nami.org and branch out from there.

- Do realize that bipolar disorder is treatable. It is not the end of the world. Many people diagnosed with this illness have managed to go on with their lives and some to great success. Examples from the past are Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill and Charles Dickens. Today some well-known celebrities have spoken openly of their own personal experience of being bipolar: Dick Cavett, Richard Dreyfuss, Carrie Fisher, Linda Hamilton, Margot Kidder and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

- Do get the appropriate professional help. Your spouse needs it and you will need it too. Find a support group (or two) for spouses and families living with someone who has mental health/mood disorder issues. You will find great comfort and support from these groups and will realize you don’t have to do this alone.

List of helpful reading material:

Bipolar Disorder Uncovered by Scott Shurian

Bipolar Disability Guide by Dr. Susan A. Nickerson, DC PT

Copyright 2007 Georgie Ellington.

About The Author: Georgie Ellington is a regular contributer to the information resource websites of Information Hill. For more information on this subject you may visit Information Hill. To find out about how bipolar individuals can win the fight for Social Security Disability go here.